To Honor a Father

Yesterday 08/03/08 my dad went to Heaven. My dad was a type two diabetic. Three weeks ago his blood sugar got really low and he passed out. My mom thought he was just sleeping as it was late. My mom went to check on him and when he didnt respond she called 911.

My dad was rushed to the hospital where the doctors determined his blood sugar was low and also that his brain had been without sugar for an unknown period of time. As the brain needs oxygen it also needs sugar to operate correctly. It turns out that unknown period of time was long enough to damage my dads brain beyond repair. For the next three weeks we prayed for a miracle, but God said no.

I knew it was a possibility that God would say no as I know he knows whats best for all of us. It made me think about how an event like this can cause people to be angry at God. It made me think of two categories of angry people. Now I understand that, that type of response is human nature but I wanted to dissect it a bit. You have the angry unbeliever and the angry believer. You have the unbeliever who is angry at God, but unfortunately you don't believe he exists. So your angry at someone you don't believe exist? That just makes me say hmm. Then you have the believer that is angry at God for taking their loved one away. Unfortunately that person fails to realize that though that loved one was very dear to their heart. That loved one ultimately belongs to God as we all do. We were created, redeemed and sustained by God. He did all the work. We were created for his glory and for his pleasure. So how can we be mad at him for calling one us home? Now I understand in the moment human emotion takes over. But what of those who lose their faith? What of those who have anger in their hearts for a long period of time? These questions I ponder don't necessarily need to be answered its just something I think about. I couldn't possibly be angry at God for calling him home because my dad was an awesome man of God and has done a great job. I'm happy the soldier went home. Heaven is definitely a happier place because my dad is there.

We all know life is one big learning experience. And we know Satan will try to get in and distort what God is teaching us. He tried to cause doubt, guilt and fear in my learning experience. Through this whole event I had a unexplainable level of peace. The bible teaches that God gives you a peace beyond understanding. It is such a spiritual peace, and so far beyond understanding that it is scary. We humans fear what we cant explain. I asked myself how come I'm not crying more? How come I'm not a complete wreck? How come I can smile in time like this? Why do I have such a clear head?

Then Satan says its because you didn't love your dad enough. Its because you only care about your own life. Its because you have grown so numb to the things of this world that you are heartless. Its because your using the whole "God knows best" thing as a way to hide the fact this is your fault.

He reminded me of the anger I had towards my dad for not trying hard enough to get better when he had a stroke two years ago. He reminded me how I didn't come around as much because he laid up in bed all day and didn't try to get up and make himself better. He reminded me how I didn't bring my daughter to see him as much as I should. Watching my daughter just be herself was probably the greatest thing my dad could ever enjoy. And because I felt if he loved her so much he would try to get better to see her, I didn't bring her around. In the times I was around my dad I was constantly irritated. For those of you who don't know me, I can be an extremely difficult person to deal with. Just ask my wife and my co-workers. Satan reminded me that, that was my dads last memories of me.

Satan also reminded me that earlier in the day that my dad passed out he had my brother call me to ask me a question. It was weird that my brother couldn't make out what he was saying. Most of the time, if my dad had a question he would just call me himself. It was a sign something was wrong and I did nothing.

I know that God does not guilt us. So I refused to dwell on the should have, could have, would haves of life. I only learn from it as to prevent future occurrences. I should have checked on my dad that day but I didn't and I cant change that. I should have came around more, and brought my daughter around more, but I didn't and I cant change that. I should have left better memories for my dad but I didn't and cant change that. Am I sorry for this? Absolutely, if he could hear me write now I pray he knows how sorry I am.

So what will I do?

I will honor my dad with my life. I will honor the man who has done so much for me. I will honor the man who showed me what it means to be a good husband by loving my wife Viola with everything in me. I will honor the man who taught me how to be a great dad by being the best dad I can be for my two children Victor and Jasmia. I will honor the man to taught me to always brighten up the mood with humor and always help those in need even if it means giving the clothes off your back. I will honor the man who taught me to love Jesus by continuing to live my life for the one who gave his life for me.

To anyone who reads this I promise to be more patient, kinder, more compassionate, more sympathetic, more positive, more helpful, more like my dad, but most importantly more like Christ. This I do to honor my Earthly Father as well as my Heavenly Father.

I Love You Dad.